Friday, November 19, 2010

Food for the Mood

It’s been an interesting week…a roller-coaster of being fired up, pressed to dig deep, forced to admit weakness, and filled with shame and humiliation that I don’t have it all under control. One of the things that I love most about our church is the encouragement of and commitment to authenticity. I thought I was getting better at being real, but now I'm not so sure. I'm finding that I don’t let go of concerns and inadequacies on a regular basis; and so, I’ve see-sawed from “everything’s great, got it all under control” to asking myself “what the heck happened, what in the world is wrong with you?” True to form, I found myself questioning whether I should publish this post. Might as well go for broke.

I was unprepared for what would follow a very real conversation this week (thank you to the folks that spent some very real time with me and encouraged some soul-searching). You’d think it would be a relief to let go of something. But, I found myself eating caramel dip straight from the container (YUM-O) and heading straight to bed to sleep it off. I got angry with God for the first time ever; I should be able to at least be real with Him. I’m finally forced to deal with some junk again when I’d rather just shove it in the closet and slam the door. Dang…this is gonna take some getting used to. I despise cleaning out closets.

Today, I’m at peace for the first time in a long time. My mind is not racing. I spent some quality time with Lenny this morning (thank you for going in a little later!). I have something to accomplish. I’m making pies. I’ve never made a pie before (it’s ok, I’m good at following instructions). I thought that I really didn’t like cooking. But how therapeutic! It’s a beautiful day outside. I’m hanging in the kitchen, having some coffee, watching leaves fall, and marveling that my pies actually look good. Taste is still to be evaluated. However, they smell good.

I needed a white shirt to serve at a special dinner tonight, but didn’t have one. A dear friend let me borrow one (check out her and her hubby’s blog here). There’s something about soul-searching followed by the hubs lingering, leaves falling, the sun shining, pies baking, cats meowing, coffee-drinking, and a friend’s sharing that just feed my mood and my soul. I’m happy, full, and feeling better about just being me and being real. Onward to the weekend…