Thursday, May 20, 2010

Conversations with Jesus

I am on a journey to build my relationship with God. Everything finally clicked for me last August. I remember exactly where I was. All of a sudden, it was like God pulled back the curtain and said, “Look what I did for you.” It brought me to my knees and my life has not been the same since. I thank Him every day for that moment.

However, my biggest struggle over the past months has been feeling close to Him. As a child, I was taught to bow my head and pray. Whether it was taught directly or I learned it from reading and the general idea that God is “up there” in heaven, I always felt like I was praying or talking to someone unreachable. It never felt real.

I wrestled with this a lot as I tried to start praying again late last year. I saw God working every day. I watched people talk so passionately about their relationship with Jesus. I learned that we can talk to Jesus and He will relay our joy, love, praise, and concerns to God. I knew He was there. He just felt so out of reach for me personally. I finally confided in Lenny about this a couple of months ago. What he said felt so profound, though it was so simple.

He told me a story he had read about a man who had always felt that prayer was “over his head.” He didn’t know how to do it and didn’t feel comfortable with it. He was encouraged by a friend to sit down, place an empty chair in front of him, and picture Jesus sitting in the chair. Then, just have a conversation with Jesus.

Wow…it had never occurred to me. He is with me, not necessarily above me. So, I started trying. In the car, Jesus was my passenger. Sitting up in bed at night, cross-legged, He was my friend sitting the same way, at the end of the bed, leaning in to listen and share in my joy and pain. Walking into an uncomfortable situation, He was my Father, walking by my side, lending me His ear and letting me pour out my fear and concern.

Not only has this become easier, but it has become essential. I am finally feeling the closeness I craved and it is very real. Jesus is with me everywhere I go and I always look forward to our conversations. He’s my driver, passenger, friend and Savior. Today was the best day I’ve had with Him yet…and we’ll talk again tomorrow.

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